do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
