so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
