I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
