you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
