Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
