A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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