Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
