i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
