just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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