she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
