you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
