Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
