if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
