my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
