P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
