yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What a dumb baby whore.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
