Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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