apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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