i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
