i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did i walk over a car last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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