I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
