at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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