so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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