is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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