i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
