my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
