And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
