just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
