Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
