We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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