Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
