I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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