i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
