there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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