I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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