so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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