I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
