I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
