She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
