That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
