Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
