addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
