You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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