Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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