Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize