You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
