Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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