Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
