you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
