Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
