i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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