My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
